Derby Day is all about “monochrome” (I just google what monochrome means, and apparently it means “black or white”). Alas, I’m going to continue saying “monochrome” because it makes it sound like I know what I’m talking about. Now, what I do know about the races, is that you should definitely wear clothes, or you will get arrested. So get your “Hollywood tape” out and spray tan ready, here are My top 10 tips on how to get ready for the races on Chapel Street.
1. Buy a Nice Black Suit
A black suit is the male version of a little black dress;it’s sexy, timeless and does wonders for your figure. Furthermore, if you’re on a budget a black suit is all you need for the Cup Carnival. By accessorising with different ties and pocket squares nobody will know you’ve worn the same suit for all 4 races days. You can be just like Marge Simpson and her Chanel suit. P.S If you’re a real tight-ass, you could even re-use your black suit for your wedding day (or divorce court). Calibre and Jack London are always solid choices for a suit, black or otherwise.
2. Get Your Suit Fitted
As the saying goes “a good fitting suit is better than a not good fitting suit”, I think it was Winston Churchill who said that, but don’t quote me on it. I would definitely recommend this, it takes your outfit from a weak 6 to a strong 9 out of 10. Go and see the fine people at M.J Bale on Chapel Street for a fitting. Meni’s and Chronic Fix will get your suits tailored to perfection.
3. Pocket Squares and Accessories
Mix and match with your pocket squares. Did you know you can wear more than one pocket square in your pocket? It’s completely legal behaviour and will really add some colour and volume to your pocket square offering. Menzclub on Chapel Street have a wonderful range of pocket squares, cufflinks, tie pins and quality ties.
Also commonly referred to as “tie-clips” these little babies are worth the money. As a guy we don’t have too many things we can accessorise with, so add this shiny piece of “tie-jewellery” to your arsenal. P.S Clip your tie-bar to the placket of your shirt; for months I was attaching My tie-bar to nothing, and thought “gee this tie-bar is garbage”, until some fine gentleman explained the true functionality of the tie-bar. Oh, and place your tie-bar just under your massive pecs!
5. Wear Socks
Match your socks to your shoes, because when you sit down, people will see your socks. P.S Even though the no socks look it is on-trend at the moment, if you are wanting to enter the members or birdcage, you will need socks. I can tell you from experience, security guards will chase you around the birdcage if you are not wearing socks (cue Benny Hill music).
The sun is usually in full flight come Spring racing. So grab yourself a sweet pair of specs that compliment your suit; generally, you can’t go wrong with a black pair. Bailey Nelson’s spring collection is race day perfect, Sunglass hut have a sweet range as well. P.S wear your sunglasses on your eyes, unless of course you’re Alex Perry, then ALWAYS wear them on your head.
7. Get a Good Belt
As the sartorial pundits say, match your belt with your shoes. And preferably not a belt with cartoons or superheroes all over it, unless of course you’re 15 years old. P.S Try not to tuck your shirt into your undies, it happens to the best of us. 🙂
8. Flowers and Lapel Flower Pins
Getting a race day flower can be the perfect accompaniment to tie your whole outfit together. Now, you don’t need to steal flowers from your next door neighbours garden anymore, run to DECLIC who have a top notch range of flower lapel pins so you can look classy and sophisticated. For Derby Day the official flower is a cornflower. P.S The corn flower has nothing to do with a cob of corn.
9. Bow Ties
Bow Ties are a risky manoeuvre but if you can pull it off, you will look like James Bond in Casino Royale (where his bow tie was on “fleek”). DECLIC have cracker bow ties. P.S learn how to do a proper bowl tie, and traditionally the best place to learn things is YouTube. If you don’t have WiFi, then just buy a clip on 😉
10. Co-ordinate with your #SQUAD
If you don’t feel like dressing up on your own, dress up as a group and roll into Flemington with your hashtag squad.
So by following these tips you should win Fashions On The Field. Everything you need to be ready for the races is on hashtag Chapel Street. Good luck and let Me know if you need a free lift?
Ash Williams is a comedian, writer and host. You can follow him on Instagram @ashwilliams1, he says it’s free to follow.